Today is one of my days off from work. I love having week days off from work because I can always "get shit done" without the fucking weekend crowds. I just made my second trip of the week to Target in Brooklyn ( at the Atlantic/Pacific station). Not only do I like the PRICES of Target but I also enjoy the FLOOR SHOW!! I love the contrast of the Hasids and the Blacks shopping together. It is also one place where both groups seem to get along. ( I enjoy seeing people get along as much as I like to pet a dog I have never pet before). When the Hasidic children want candy, the mom with the 5 dollar wig usually says "it's not Kosher." When the Black children want candy, the mom says " we already got candy, relax yourself..!!" I LOVE TARGET!
Target early in the day is the time to go. Today I arrived at Target around 1pm and left at 2pm. I purchased Market Pantry "ultra weight loss shake" ( the generic slim fast to help me control my fatness) ; 3 bottles of Poland Spring Lime Sparkling water ( for Anne - whats wrong with tap water I like to ask......) ; Crest baking soda toothpaste 2 pack ; Huggie's natural care baby wipes ( my friend Scott says you are not clean unless you use baby wipes) ; white cheddar popcorn seasoning (don't tell my Anne I am buying processed food to put on processed food because I am supposed to eat fruits and vegetables and not popcorn with popcorn seasoning) ; a violet button down 100 percent oxford shirt- hard to find 100 percent cotton oxford shirts and Macy's and Bloomingdales are total fucking rip-offs ) and a box of Little Debbie Nutty Bars!( please don't tell Anne I am eating processed food like Nutty Bars because I should be in the gym getting rid of my "spare tire" and eating carrots and oranges).
While shopping at Target I noticed the new Social Distortion cd "Hard Times and Nursery Crimes" on the shelf for $9.99. I thought to myself "wow, I don't think this comes out till January 18". The staff at Target is pretty fucking stupid. If you ask them for an HDMI cable to connect your blu ray player to your T.V. a confused retarded deer in the headlights look comes over their face - but if you ask where the POTATO CHIPS are located they will walk you over to the section and make recommendations. Mm Hmm.
I threw the new Social Distortion cd into my basket. When I got to the checkout the cashier tried to scan the cd and it wouldn't scan. She asked "Did you find this on the shelves?" I wanted to say "NO, I PURCHASED IT AT ANOTHER STORE AND BROUGHT IT IN HERE TO PURCHASE AGAIN YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!!!!" I said "yes, I found it on the shelves." She said I had to come back on January 18th to purchase the cd. ( but reminded me they had 32 different types of potato chips on the shelves...just kidding).
As I left target I texted my friend Harry and told him Target would not let me purchase the new Social Distortion cd. Fifteen minutes later Harry texted me back and said " I JUST DOWNLOADED THE NEW SOCIAL DISTORTION CD FREE FROM THE INTERNET!!!!" I like Harry. I l like the internet. I like Target . (most of the time)
-Brother Mike Cohen