Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Today I turn 40...yay!? I looked in the mirror and the thing that most disturbed me was the 15 to 20 pounds I gained around my mid-section. Just the day before, my wife and I were at her sister’s house with her daughter, London. London is two years old. She pointed to my wife's belly and said “baby”. The adults in the room were quite impressed. I had a theory. She thinks all fat people have babies, so I pointed to my belly. London smiled and then said "baby!"

I hate my gut.

Then I started thinking. It could be useful. What if we were under attack by zombies? And there was no food? My belly is stored up energy. I could live off it for at least a week. The thin would be eaten as they slowed down from malnutrition. I would still be decapitating brain-eaters with ease. Or maybe I end up in a warzone like Mad Max and the extra padding could deflect a sniper’s bullet. Or a body blow if I was in a boxing match. Maybe my bloated belly is best for the stout worrier I could be.

Stay tuned for more stories about the bump in my nose or my knuckle deep bellybutton hole.

-Ethan MInsker

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